you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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