perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
