I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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