Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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