Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
