My friends, they love my intelligence
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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