Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
