I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
