if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
