There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
