I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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