listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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