how can u be prego again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
