I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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