I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
