There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
