The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
