He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
