So drunk, too bad you don't want this
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
