this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
