Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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