nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
