This dress was meant to end up on your floor
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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