He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
