yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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