is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
