I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
