There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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