so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
