Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
