seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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