Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
