Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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