You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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