Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
