Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
there is puke in my bra ... again
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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