I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
