somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
