Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
