i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
