I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
