can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
