I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
