the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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