i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
