Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
