some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
