I only kidnapped one of them. chill
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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