do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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