I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
