Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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