Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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