Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
