I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
