things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
