He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
