so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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