Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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