I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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