I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's official drugs can't kill me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
