Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
