My liver just broke up with me...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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