oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
