i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize