you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
