I think I died a long time ago.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
